Even better is this one (circa 1976). When Jason and I roomed together in college we had a copy of this on our door. How many chins can you count there?

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“What house honey?”

“It was a big house by a sidewalk and with a boy and there was a pinball inside of the house. We need to go there!”

“What kind of pinball was it?”

“It was a Lightning McQueen pinball!” (it should be noted here that there is no such thing as a Lightning McQueen or Cars pinball game, although that would be COOL!)

At this point I kind of smiled at him and got squatted down on my knees so I was on his level. I looked him in the eye and with what I hoped was a kind fatherly smile tried to explain that he was just having a dream. That sometimes when we sleep we see things but we just are imagining them, they aren’t real.

He looked back at me with wide eyes and said, “but it IS real!”

There was a mix of conviction & confusion in his voice that I don’t often hear, something very earnest. Different than the way he’ll tell us with all the authority he can muster that “it IS time to watch a movie” or “we ALWAYS have ice cream”. He was so sure of his visions, his memories that he couldn’t believe that I was telling him they weren’t real.

“It was only a dream honey.”

He put is head down, curled up in my lap and cried.

Parenting is hard.

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I feel like I’m constantly beating myself up about how often (or not often I should say) I post. Whenever I sit down to start writing something I can almost hear myself thinking, “this isn’t really that interesting” or “this picture isn’t even very good” or “is this really worth writing about”?

The truth is, sometimes it’s not.

But then I remember that it’s not really about impressing someone (I don’t even know who) with my amazing writing or incredible photography. There’s plenty of both out there online, and I read & see a lot of it. What it’s really about is having the stories & photos to look back on a month, a year, even a decade from now.

I have an audio recording of me and my brother Jason talking when we were 5 & 2. There may be more, but this is the only one I have. Every time I hear that stuffy-nosed little voice of mine, or Jason’s chirpy A-B-Cs it makes me smile. It’s certainly no work of art, but to me it’s precious… and it’ll be even more precious over time as I can share it with my kids and tell them that little toddler voice they’re hearing is me.

Documenting this stage of our family’s life may seem trivial right now, but it’s a long term investment.

Remember that, self.

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If you’re reading this then you probably got here via my twitter or facebook page and if you’ve been reading either of those things over the past few weeks you probably know that in the last year I’ve developed a distinct affinity for pinball. I was turned back onto the game by my friend and co-worker Paul and between the gameroom at work and the Williams Hall of Fame Collection for Wii I kept my appetite pretty well fed. Eventually though, the desire to own one took root and when all was said and done I ended up with three tables.

I just sold them all.

The thing I love about those old pinball games is the same thing that drives me nuts about them. They require a certain level of care and feeding. Eventually stuff breaks down and needs to be replaced, rewired or swapped out. The “fixer” in me gravitates towards that and even finds it rewarding. However, at the same time there’s this side of me, the sys-admin side that is constantly concerned about if/when the next thing is gonna break. It’s anxiety producing in a way that’s hard to articulate. The games were at the Northwest Pinball & Gameroom Expo last weekend and I found myself kind of cruising by them periodically just to check and make sure that everything was working. Granted there were technicians at the show who were charged with repairing the games but there was a part of me that just couldn’t let it go. I’d see that a light was out or that the targets on a game weren’t behaving properly. I’d get this kind of knot in my stomach & start wondering what’s wrong. “Is it just a burnt out bulb? Is there a snapped solder joint? What if it’s something worse?” Eventually, I’d run over, grab the keys off the keybaord, pull the thing apart and dive into troubleshooting. I couldn’t help myself. It’s in my nature.

When the machines crossed over from being fun games to just another thing I need to fix is when I decided I might need to re-evaluate. This is supposedly what I do for fun and the thing that I find the most fun is actually playing them. So, I sold my three classic games and just put in an order for a brand new Iron Man table, which should be arriving in a couple weeks.

…with a warranty.

I also really enjoy how into pinball Joel is. I took him and Isaac down to the show on Friday morning and a photographer from the Seattle Times followed us around for a bit. Here’s a little slideshow he put together (the boys and I are featured in the second half).

2010 Northwest Pinball and Gameroom Show from Cliff DesPeaux on Vimeo.

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Eight years ago today approximately 500 (yeah, for real) of our friends and family gathered at University Place Presbyterian Church to witness Sarah and me get married. It was one of the craziest, happiest, busiest, most overwheleming and awesome days of my life… of course I wasn’t a parent yet.

We’re pretty different in many ways, but I think it may just seem that way because of how well well suited we are for each other. With so much coming so easy, the hard spots seem perhaps bigger. Our relationship defies many of the typical gender roles associated with married couples. Sarah is practical. She’s a solver of problems. She likes to see it all written down, explore all options. I’m emotional, I need to talk thru things (if only for the sake of talking thru them). I make decisions spontaneously. In Meyers-Briggs speak: she’s the ENFJ to my INFP.

After 8 years, I think I’m starting to feel at home with that. Little things that used to cause a bit of friction don’t seem quite so abrasive anymore… and in fact when we find ourselves in the middle of one of those moments there’s a part of me that kind of smiles inside and says, “This is just so… us.”

It’s unique and beautiful and challenging…

…and ours.

Happy Anniversary Love. I’d do it all again in a minute (with only 1 or 2 minor edits).

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By the end of the weekend, I’d become aware of a couple things.

Firstly I’ve got an awesome extended family. I’m so grateful that my boys are connected to their aunts & uncles as well as their grandparents (and great grandparents). These people are a part of their lives, not simply far flung acquaintances.

Secondly, my kids are pretty darn fun. Oh sure, they’re stubborn, illogical, mind numbingly persistent and insufferable when they don’t get their way, but aren’t we all from time to time? As they get older I’m sure the our adventures together will get more grand but for now I’m content with tricycles, sandboxes & sidewalk chalk.

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I suppose that’s pretty normal for an oldest child who’s had his or her world split open by the introduction of a sibling, however I have to admit I’ve been finding it a bit unnerving. The little voice in the back of my head starts chattering away, “What if they never get along?” “What if they never develop a positive relationship, and our family is marred by their rivalry forever?” “WHAT HAVE WE DONE?!?”

Happily there have been, in recent weeks, a few fleeting moments where the boys actually have been playing together and, as far as we can tell, enjoying it. I sure get a kick out of listening to them laugh (while remaining poised to intervene when the inevitable CRASH – BANG – WAAAAA starts).

I mean honestly… would you trust these two alone in a room for very long?

Me neither.

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Doesn’t quite have the same ring as “Summer of ‘69” but you get the idea.

So, when I graduated high school and was trying to decide what to do with myself next, I got this this crazy idea that instead of going to college and studying for yet another four long, hard years I could trick my parents into letting me move all the way across the country, hang out with a bunch of weird musicians, drink beer and play my guitar. In other words, go to MUSIC college. We weren’t exactly rolling in cash and the place I got accepted to was pretty expensive so I applied for a merit based scholarship. Basically I had to submit a tape of my playing to earn a shot at a live audition which could ultimately result in some financial assistance.

Also, at the time there was no such thing as Garage Band for your Mac. Heck, when I took typing in high school we were still using Apple //e’s. Anyway, I set about making my recording using a Tascam cassette tape based 4 track, a sequencing Ensoniq ASR-10 keyboard that I borrowed from a friend, my guitar rig, and 1 microphone.

Anyway here are the tunes. I’m sure I gave them quite ridiculous and appropriate titles, none of which I can remember now:

Song the first – Typical mid 90’s guitar gunslinger fare. I think I was trying to channel Joe Satriani or Steve Vai w/ a little Eddie Van Halen finger tapping and dual melody lines thrown in there while playing as many notes as possible in 4 minutes.

Song The First by Aaron Bendickson
Download now or listen on posterous

Song the First.mp3 (5325 KB)

Song the second – I knew I needed at least one song without distortion, so what do you do if you can’t use distortion… why delay of course! This is a white kid from Montana’s attempt at playing Latin.

Song The Second by Aaron Bendickson
Download now or listen on posterous

Song the Second.mp3 (3274 KB)

Song the third – So cheesy but SO AWESOME. The first 2 minutes are kind of a snooze but it sets you up for the STADIUM ROCK GUITAR SOLO complete with PIPE ORGAN at the end! Strong Bad would have been so proud.

Song The Third by Aaron Bendickson
Download now or listen on posterous

Song the Third.mp3 (4772 KB)

The thing I remember most about recording these songs is how FRACKING picky I was. I would play the solo sections over and over and OVER until I felt I had nailed every note. There was really no way to splice or edit the tracks so you had to get it all in one take. I’m sure it drove my poor parents out of their minds hearing me play the same part repeatedly for hours on end (without the context of the rest of the song since I had the playback in my headphones). I can only hope I’m as patient and supportive with my kids’ creative endeavors.

Tune in next week for the story of my live audition in Anaheim, CA and the rainiest day in the history of Disneyland.

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The thing I’ve noticed most over the last couple days is exactly how “busy” these boys are. While I will fully admit to liberal use of Curious George as a diversion, in those moments when I’m cleaning up from a meal or doing dishes or something I’ll hear Joel in the other room playing make believe with his trains. He’ll be acting out a scene from one of the books or movies, or just making up his own dialog. It’s really cute, and a good reminder to me that while I do enjoy rough-housing with him it’s important for him to have his OWN playtime too.

Isaac is all about the business of developing his 9 month old skill set. And he is SERIOUS too. If he’s pulled himself up to stand next to Joel’s train table and discovered a new toy (which we have an abundance of these post-Christmas days) you’d be well advised not to try and take it away from him because he’ll let you know how unhappy that makes him. It’s as if every single new trinket he finds is the most amazing thing he’s ever seen… and in some ways that may be true. He’s so determined about it too. It’s like the second he’s done eating he’s scanning the room, ready to start exploring. Look out Dad, I gotta PLAY!

We’re heading to Tacoma today to spend a little time with Grandma & Grandpa and then Sarah should be home by dinnertime. I’ll be nice to have her home with us, but I’ve also really enjoyed this special time with my boys.

The dynamic duo at yesterday’s Mobile Chowdown.

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Not this year.

This year was interesting for me because I did just that. I set myself just one specific goal and set about the task of getting there. It was to ride the High Pass Challenge, a very strenuous ambitious bike ride this past September. The act of setting and attaining that simple goal this year reminded me of the fact that I do have a say in how to to go about this whole life thing, so next year I’m setting some more.

Specifics:
- Learn to play steel guitar. That’s right, good old school country gospel twangy pedal steel.
- Author at least one iPhone or Mac application. I work at a flipping software development company for crying out loud, time to move past scripting and unix hackery onto something more elegant.
- Lose these last 10 pounds. I already dropped 30 this summer while training for the bike ride, but I’ve picked up 5 or 6 again in the last couple months.
- Find a church home. This is an aspect of our family’s spiritual and social life that is sorely absent.
- Take my wife on an extended getaway, somewhere new and fun. At least 4 days.

Things to do more of:
- Writing, both music and otherwise (blogging, letters, etc).
- Projects at home, like paining, home improvement stuff. I’m way more capable of that stuff than I give myself credit for and it always feels good to have it done.
- Traveling, both with and without the kids.

Things to do less of:
- Drinking & eating junk food. Not talking about an absolute ban here, but definitely need to get this back into balance.
- Watching TV, waste of time.
- Twitter / Facebook / RSS reading, basically all forms of digital ADD. It’s a time-suck and also impedes my ability to focus.
- Making excuses for not starting things.

All things considered 2009 was a really great year. I’m looking forward to the 2010’s (or whatever the heck this next decade is supposed to be called). I hope it is a blessed one for y’all!

PS> Just for fun I poked around in my old photo box (before the advent of digital cameras & iPhoto) and found this picture of me and my brother Jason at a “Dress Like The Future” party from New Year’s Eve, 1999.

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