I feel like I’m constantly beating myself up about how often (or not often I should say) I post. Whenever I sit down to start writing something I can almost hear myself thinking, “this isn’t really that interesting” or “this picture isn’t even very good” or “is this really worth writing about”?

The truth is, sometimes it’s not.

But then I remember that it’s not really about impressing someone (I don’t even know who) with my amazing writing or incredible photography. There’s plenty of both out there online, and I read & see a lot of it. What it’s really about is having the stories & photos to look back on a month, a year, even a decade from now.

I have an audio recording of me and my brother Jason talking when we were 5 & 2. There may be more, but this is the only one I have. Every time I hear that stuffy-nosed little voice of mine, or Jason’s chirpy A-B-Cs it makes me smile. It’s certainly no work of art, but to me it’s precious… and it’ll be even more precious over time as I can share it with my kids and tell them that little toddler voice they’re hearing is me.

Documenting this stage of our family’s life may seem trivial right now, but it’s a long term investment.

Remember that, self.

Posted from benaar’s posterous

If you’re reading this then you probably got here via my twitter or facebook page and if you’ve been reading either of those things over the past few weeks you probably know that in the last year I’ve developed a distinct affinity for pinball. I was turned back onto the game by my friend and co-worker Paul and between the gameroom at work and the Williams Hall of Fame Collection for Wii I kept my appetite pretty well fed. Eventually though, the desire to own one took root and when all was said and done I ended up with three tables.

I just sold them all.

The thing I love about those old pinball games is the same thing that drives me nuts about them. They require a certain level of care and feeding. Eventually stuff breaks down and needs to be replaced, rewired or swapped out. The “fixer” in me gravitates towards that and even finds it rewarding. However, at the same time there’s this side of me, the sys-admin side that is constantly concerned about if/when the next thing is gonna break. It’s anxiety producing in a way that’s hard to articulate. The games were at the Northwest Pinball & Gameroom Expo last weekend and I found myself kind of cruising by them periodically just to check and make sure that everything was working. Granted there were technicians at the show who were charged with repairing the games but there was a part of me that just couldn’t let it go. I’d see that a light was out or that the targets on a game weren’t behaving properly. I’d get this kind of knot in my stomach & start wondering what’s wrong. “Is it just a burnt out bulb? Is there a snapped solder joint? What if it’s something worse?” Eventually, I’d run over, grab the keys off the keybaord, pull the thing apart and dive into troubleshooting. I couldn’t help myself. It’s in my nature.

When the machines crossed over from being fun games to just another thing I need to fix is when I decided I might need to re-evaluate. This is supposedly what I do for fun and the thing that I find the most fun is actually playing them. So, I sold my three classic games and just put in an order for a brand new Iron Man table, which should be arriving in a couple weeks.

…with a warranty.

I also really enjoy how into pinball Joel is. I took him and Isaac down to the show on Friday morning and a photographer from the Seattle Times followed us around for a bit. Here’s a little slideshow he put together (the boys and I are featured in the second half).

2010 Northwest Pinball and Gameroom Show from Cliff DesPeaux on Vimeo.

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Eight years ago today approximately 500 (yeah, for real) of our friends and family gathered at University Place Presbyterian Church to witness Sarah and me get married. It was one of the craziest, happiest, busiest, most overwheleming and awesome days of my life… of course I wasn’t a parent yet.

We’re pretty different in many ways, but I think it may just seem that way because of how well well suited we are for each other. With so much coming so easy, the hard spots seem perhaps bigger. Our relationship defies many of the typical gender roles associated with married couples. Sarah is practical. She’s a solver of problems. She likes to see it all written down, explore all options. I’m emotional, I need to talk thru things (if only for the sake of talking thru them). I make decisions spontaneously. In Meyers-Briggs speak: she’s the ENFJ to my INFP.

After 8 years, I think I’m starting to feel at home with that. Little things that used to cause a bit of friction don’t seem quite so abrasive anymore… and in fact when we find ourselves in the middle of one of those moments there’s a part of me that kind of smiles inside and says, “This is just so… us.”

It’s unique and beautiful and challenging…

…and ours.

Happy Anniversary Love. I’d do it all again in a minute (with only 1 or 2 minor edits).

 

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Last weekend Sarah, her sisters & her mom all travelled to Portland for a little “Girl’s Getaway”. The corresponding event at home of course was “Boy’s Weekend” as I wrangled the 2 kids. Nap-times and bed-times were managed with relative ease and Isaac was even pretty gentle on me in the mornings (7am on morning, 6:20am the next). I found I rather enjoyed the window between when Isaac and I got up and when Joel was ready to start his day. He’d play, uninterrupted, with all of his brother’s toys while I sipped my morning coffee and perused the overnight news on my iPad. It was like a flippin’ Apple commercial I’m tellin’ ya.Fortunately for all of us, the weather was amazing and we were able to spend most of our weekend outside, which Isaac just LOVED! Everyone stayed fed and relatively clean, but I will confess there was more than one trip to Dick’s as well as a stop at the “Cupcake Store”. I figured, hey the ladies are all indulging themselves so we should feel free to do the same. Saturday afternoon found us at the Ballard Water Park and then that evening Uncle Sean & Aunt Kaci came over for a little BBQ. On Sunday Gpa Scott came up and hung out with the kids while I got out for a little Daddy time.

By the end of the weekend, I’d become aware of a couple things.

Firstly I’ve got an awesome extended family. I’m so grateful that my boys are connected to their aunts & uncles as well as their grandparents (and great grandparents). These people are a part of their lives, not simply far flung acquaintances.

Secondly, my kids are pretty darn fun. Oh sure, they’re stubborn, illogical, mind numbingly persistent and insufferable when they don’t get their way, but aren’t we all from time to time? As they get older I’m sure the our adventures together will get more grand but for now I’m content with tricycles, sandboxes & sidewalk chalk.

Posted from benaar’s posterous